Busy Thoughts

I feel as if there are way too many thoughts for me to write, but I also feel as if I need to write. One week ago I left my safe, secure, full-time job;  moved a classroom of materials into the basement room; spent much needed time with my nieces, put shelves together, painted a dresser and re-organized much of the house. The past 3 days have been spent running errands almost the entire day.  It was a huge realization of the imbalance that my life had become.

I am ever thankful for what the Lord has done in our lives over the past 4 years.  It's hard to believe He has brought us as far as He has in so many aspects of our lives.  Honestly, it's very difficult for me not to work with colleagues.  I enjoy what friends bring to the table day to day.  They keep me sharp by making me explore things out of my box, stand with me in never settling for less than the best, share ideas that I would never think of and simply make the day enjoyable.

The past 3 1/2 years have been a blessing in so many ways, but it is time for me to spend some time re-focusing on my family. Janaa has begged to be home schooled since she started kindergarten. SOOooooo...We are going to spend the year together learning.  Am I scared?  excited?  Yes to all of it. I said "never" so I should have known I would be doing this. I only agreed to it after I got my Masters.  What I learned over the past 2 years assures me that I am more than able to teach, but what wasn't taught was how to teach your own child.  Elementary...ALL subjects...NOT really my thing.  Just never enjoyed it.  But, listening to Janaa  and preparing for our home study I realize that time is moving quickly.  I may hold her back a year just so I can have her one more year of her life.  As things pick up with Caleb much of the attention Janaa has grown accustomed to will be shared.  I don't think she will mind, but I look forward to being able to focus her alone for a bit longer.

So as I am prepping for our up coming home study that starts on Monday, I am also prepping for school. I will still be working.  I will teach students from home and probably do some contract work. When Caleb comes home I want to be able to be with him and not torn worrying about my outside job.

What we didn't take into account and where my selfish fear comes in is the time line.  This is very normal for international adoptions, but our time line extended about 3 months (as best we know).  I had planned to take a year off, but it's looking more like two (please pray my worrying mind will be calmed).  At first we were bummed to hear of the delays.  It turns out that it really is in the best interest of the children and families.  Apparently, children were being referred to families before the extensive work was done to make absolutely sure they were true orphans.  What would inevitably happen is that the parents would be found or an extended family member would be willing to take the child.  At this point families are already attaching.  This disrupts everything on all sides.  Now, they are taking longer, and researching BEFORE referring children to families.  We are thankful for the protection even if it is a bit longer.

If you read all of this you are just too kind!!!