8 Birthdays

Though today is Janaa's 11th birthday it is our 8th with her.  Seems kind of strange, yet so normal...All we've ever known.  As we celebrate my mind is taken back to Thailand, to a day I didn't know existed until later.  The day my sweet baby took her first breath. I don't know what I was doing that day or where I was, but my life changed in a way I wouldn't know until a couple of years later.

November 22, 2003 a young mom went into labor early. I can only imagine the fear she was feeling not knowing what the next few hours, days, weeks or years may hold, yet within a short time the little lives within her would venture into the world and need so much love and care. I'm sure I would be terrified.  How would I care for them, work, educated and feed them?  So many conflicting thoughts and emotions. 

As they entered the world she must have felt much grief as her first baby didn't make it, and fear for the second. A tiny, sick baby with coal-black hair (She had a head full in her first picture at the orphanage so she HAD to have been born with it.) was left alone after 7 months of carrying 2 little heart beats.  

In a panic those around worked to keep my tiny baby alive. How could a mother who loves her child so much place her child with another family?  I don't know. I've never been in a place where I've had to make that choice.  What I do know is that it is the deepest kind of love, unconditional love, a love that endures heart-wrenching pain for the sake of your child.  This mother, Janaa's "first" mom, her "tummy" mommy, "birth" mommy... She is amazing.  

I have met her, twice...

I met her the day she wrote a paragraph for the government that ensured she was placing Janaa with a forever family. I met her a year later when I took Janaa back to her village to meet her and her family. Janaa's sweet heart and calm demeanor...that's her "tummy" mommy. 

On this day when many moms remember the rush to the hospital, the hours of labor, epidurals, walking halls...I don't know what to remember.  Occasionally, that's hard.  It's not something that I think about often, but it is the truth of our life.  The saying "Adoption is born of grief." is not one that I've liked a lot, but there are days when that grief is felt.  We have been so blessed.  Compared to so many stories, ours is simply amazing. We have had an atypical experience. We bonded quickly and well. Janaa doesn't have drastic issues stemming from being adopted.  In fact, she will often talk of how awesome it is that she has 3 moms and that no matter where's she has been in life God has always made sure she had a mommy.  Her grasp on the story God has written for her blows my mind. What a gracious gift He has given her. She has always known a mother's love.  

So today I look a little deeper into her dark brown eyes  and wonder what she is really thinking.  I trace the details of her face with my finger as not to forget that though she is taller, smarter, more mature...she is still my baby girl...my baby that I carried in my heart from the day I saw her tiny face in an email when she was just a few weeks old...my baby that I carried home from Thailand the week of her 4th birthday...my baby girl that snuggles up with me, reads a book and says, "Mommie, I'm so glad God gave me to you and you to me, we make a great pair. I don't want to grow up because I still want to be your baby."

I find it pretty cool that National Adoption Day is her birthday.  We celebrate here, but I pray for her birth mom a world away.  I'm sure this day is hard.  

Doors Open, Doors Close

A few weeks ago I asked Brent to update the blog.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It's not that I am in denial, but I've had a difficult time putting any words to this.  There's something final about posting a blog and then sharing it on Facebook.  I like to leave my options open.  However, we are far enough along in the the domestic process that we really needed to send out an update. 

We have always desired to adopt BOTH domestically and internationally.  While well meaning, this didn't "make us aware of the kids here".  I don't know how to explain this at the moment, but I will one day.



Brent here.  Some of you have asked...some of you are not aware.  I guess publishing this tonight is kind of an official announcement concerning our family and our hopes to expand it through the adoption process we were trying to get started in the DRC (Congo).  When we first looked at adopting again we looked long at hard at where to pursue adoption, and after prayer and discussion the Democratic Republic of Congo rose to the top of the list.  So many of you got behind us and supported us, whether through prayer, or even financially in some cases.  We had a yard sale that was a great success and we were able to pay for our application fees, home study, and initial government background check items easily.

Sadly, even though our hearts were open and ready to take the next step and get into the referral process, things began to quickly deteriorate on the other side of the ocean in the Congo.  Last year, two Congolese government agencies involved in the international adoption process got into a game of cat and mouse and effectively halted the process for anyone involved.  One agency grants the adoption, but the other agency grants what is called an exit letter.  This exit letter allows the adopted child to leave the country with their forever family.  This resulted in hundreds of families and children being stuck in the Congo, legally adopted but unable to go home.  The government has given all kinds of excuses for their behavior, but in the end the children are nothing but casualties of political bickering.

I think it's one of those things that when it happens you go..."Let's wait it out and see", hopeful that the situation will resolve itself but maybe knowing in the back of your mind, "This is never going to be worked out."  Months have passed and there is still no resolution.  Hundreds of children are still waiting.  There are parents that went there to get their children, were not allowed to leave, and have chosen to stay there until they can bring them home.  It has now been a year or so since everything crumbled in the adoption process in the DRC, interestingly enough a picture of the entire system of government there, where personal agendas and struggles for power stifle any movement forward.

Because of these circumstances and further discussion within our own family, we have made the decision to stop pursuing an adoption from the DRC.  First, we want to thank everyone who has had a kind word of support for us and taken a genuine interest in this with us, supporting us in prayer as well.  Secondly, to all of you who gave a dollar or ten or a thousand...I hope you will know that it was not wasted.  Where one door closes another opens (cliche I know, but true).  We entered into this in faith that God would take us where we needed to go and provide for us to make this happen, and he did.  He ended up showing us that this time around, we need look no further than our own area for a way to give a child a home to come to.  We are in the midst of partnering with the American Children's Home in Lexington to be licensed to foster and foster to adopt.  We ask that you pray for us as we finish this process up and that the child(ren) God would have for us to show love and a real sense of home to would be brought into our family.

Homeschool Breakdown

We have officially completed our first and only year of homeschooling.  She is going back to "regular" school next year.  Caleb's adoption was one of the things that helped me finally cave and agree to keep Janaa home. It has been such a great year of learning.  It's exactly what I expected and not at all what I expected all rolled into one experience. Here's my breakdown of the year.

What I LOVED:

• Slow mornings with Janaa- This is my absolute #1
• Listening to Janaa playing 
• The extra time spent with Janaa
• Our family being together more
• Learning along with Janaa
• Understanding exactly where she is and what she's learning in school
• Learning HOW Janaa learns: strengths and weaknesses
• Sewing together
• The ability to do as we pleased with our time
• Focusing on the important not the immediate
• Allowing Janaa to explore learning in many areas that she otherwise would not have
• Being able to choose the curriculum
• The experience in itself
• Stretching me as an educator
• NO HOMEWORK
• Bedtime - not a big deal
• Play time abounds - exploring is education

What I Did NOT Love: 

• Being responsible for multiple subjects - I've never been good with elementary. I'd rather scrub toilets
• Feeling the pressure that every moment I needed to make sure she learned something
• Worry of making sure I educated her well
• The amount of down/alone time she had when I was working
• The need for child care that does not exist during the day for elementary students
• Lack of others her age that she's around during the day.  

Overall, there were many more positives than negatives.  I have always known that I was not "cut out" for homeschooling.  We never considered it for more than 4th and 5th grades. If I could do it over again, I would do it all the same. We didn't have the perfect homeschool.  I'm not the best teacher, but she assesses just fine.  In some ways we were able to get back some of the time that we missed in her first 4 years.  We had very little time together from the time she came home until she started school.  It was good for us to have this time before she hits the teen years. They are coming fast and I am well aware they will slip away before I know it. Each day, the hard and fun, has been a sweet blessing that I will forever cherish. 

Very unusual for us to sit at a table very long.
Doesn't she look super grown up though?

Thanksgiving Precedes the Miracle

In the last week the adoption situation in the DRC has deteriorated significantly, to the point that our agency is asking families to postpone visits in the DRC with their children.  There have been small riots reported and the government does not appear thrilled with the US and other countries involved with adopting their children.

2 delegations from the DRC of high ranking officials have been scheduled to visit the US for months. Families who have completed their adoptions were asked to come to either D.C. or Minneapolis to visit with the delegation so they could see how the children were doing in the States.  Both delegations were scheduled to fly out over the past week.  From what we understand Stateside when they got to the airport in Kinshasa their passports were confiscated and they were not allowed to leave the country.

There is really no way to tell what is really going on, but to give perspective...
Adoptions are stilling being issued in the DRC. The office that handles those does not seem to have a problem with international adoption.  There is a separate office that issues a piece of paper that allows the children to leave the country.  This office does not want adoptions issued or children leaving the country.  They are the office that had the delegations' passport taken at the airport, at least from the reports we have received. There seems to be a power struggle between these offices, and having read up on my DRC history I'm guessing they are not the same political party, but I'm not totally sure.

In the DRC's defense a Belgium lady, apparently, tried to escape with her child recently. (Belgium Lady Tries to Smuggle Child)That is called smuggling and hurts so many children.  These reports anger me.  I realize that parents are getting desperate, especially as a lot of the children are incredibly sick and a few have even died. However, smuggling one child is going to cause many more to go without homes, families and possibly even die.

Practically...You can adopt your child, but there is no way to know when or IF they will ever come home.  Not a very healthy situation for children.

So where does this leave us...

Giving Thanks! I'm not sure I would have been here a few weeks ago, but the Lord placed a friend in my life who He has used to teach me about Thanking Him. Thanking Him in the ugly.

Brent and I have spent some time this week talking about where we are with this.  We know without a doubt that the Lord called us to adopt from the DRC.  We took the step to adopt in faith knowing our Caleb is there.  What we didn't think about was the timeline. It seemed cut and dry, for the most part, as much as any adoption is cut and dry. (Insert eyes rolling)  God never promised us when. He just asked us to walk believing.

The first of the week was difficult for me. Realizing that with the set backs the reality of our adoption moving anywhere in the next year or 2 would be highly unlikely.  Yet, as we sat to talk the Lord had already worked in Brent's heart weeks ago. He had already reconciled Brent's heart to the long wait. What a blessing because I don't think 2 of us would have done well at the same emotional place. :)


So, as I am understanding more of God I am learning more about giving thanks.  Easter is a great week to remember this. What did Christ do before His death? He gave thanks!  We give thanks because we believe God is working for our good. Oh, how I wish I really understood this. I am learning this so I choose to give thanks for this time.  For this waiting. This set back. The unknown.  For the miracle of Caleb that we cannot see yet.

I don't have answers to many questions that I know many have.  I like answers. I thrive on information. The more I know the more comfortable I am.  What we do know is that we will keep our paperwork ready for when it can be submitted. We will continue to work and save for the cost of the adoption.

If you have read to this point...Your truly are a dear friend.

As we wait, please pray specifically for this office in the DRC.

The office that is working through DRC adoptions and responsible for the suspension.
Pray for wisdom for them. Pray for their hearts to be moved for the children.
Pray for them to know how to care for the orphans of the DRC.
Pray they would not be overwhelmed by the tasks ahead.
Pray their hearts will be open to see the many blessings of adoption for those who do not have families.

DRC News - Please Help!

Many of you have asked where we are in the adoption process, if we know who Caleb is, when he is coming home....

Those are all great questions and we wish we had those answers ourselves.  When we started researching over a year ago we thought we would be in a different place on our timeline by now.  What we couldn't foresee was the DR Congo suspending adoptions.

Where are we in the process? We have our dossier basically ready to go. However, we haven't sent it.  Here is why.  There are between 500-600 adopted children stuck in country right now.  Once the country opens all of the families will need to be processed. Our guess is before any "new" families get through.

We are also a bit concerned about the direction the the DR Congo is taking.  Is there a chance the suspension could be indefinite?  Yes, there is always that chance.  When we submit our dossier we have to make a large financial deposit.  We have been blessed by many of you who have supported us financially. We want to be very careful to be a good steward of those finances.  We also do not have all that we need. Janaa's adoption was a great testimony of God's provision.  Every time we needed a deposit...it showed up.  God has not provided that yet.  We can't help but wonder if it is His protection on guiding us on His timeline.

Do we know who Caleb is?  No.  Honestly, this month has been a hard one. We didn't expect that we wouldn't know what his sweet face looked like by this point. However, referrals come after the dossier is sent to the  DR Congo so until that is sent we will not have a referral.

When is he coming home?  No clue!!! Not even a guess at the timeline anymore.  With the suspension all timelines, guesses and estimates are off.

I am posting a few articles and videos below.  I know that when you're not involved it's hard to care in the same way.  Been there! If you have a second please check them out.

We covet your prayers.  But there is also something you can DO to help.  Below is a link to a petition to Congress. Please take a couple of minutes to submit it.

There is a delegation coming from Kinshasa in a couple of weeks. While they have been saying it is to help work through all that is going on with adoptions, it is becoming more clear that they aren't really focusing on this.  At this point only 1 agency is allowed 1 hour with the delegation.  We were on a conference call with the Embassy in Kinshasa and a few other government agencies 2 weeks ago.  We were much less than impressed with their work.  It is very frustrating.

Children who are legally adopted are dying while waiting to be released from the country. Please help the families who are stuck and in the long run it will be helping us as well.


Both Ends Burning - They produced the movie STUCK

Short News Video on a Stuck Family

Petition 2 Congress. - Please take a moment and fill out the petition

The Post That Will Not Happen

Two nights ago I sat and wrote an update. It was written in case we made a huge change. I knew I would be overwhelmed with sadness and excitement, making it difficult to write.

We have shared what is going on in the DR Congo.  They are still suspended in spite of rumors that they might open this month.  There are families still stuck, some in country others here.  When governments start suspending offices that deal with adoptions, even to "re-organize" it is very scary.  It poses the questions: Will they end up closing?  How long will my child be "stuck" before coming home?  Will they ever get home?

For several reasons we have kept an ongoing dialogue with the Lord about His leading for our family.  This adoption we have been fundraising.  We realize that we can't do it alone this time.  Then we start thinking:  Are we gambling with finances if the country should shut down?

Oh the questions!!

Are we abandoning Congo because we are scared?

                                                    Do we REALLY think God will work this out?

What will happen to the children if everyone gets scared?

                      We are not called to a life of ease.  Is God asking us to step out against the odds?

                                                             Is the craziness His guiding us away from Congo? 

Many more flowed from our hearts, mouths and minds, but I'll spare you.  

The only place that would really cause us to abandon Congo would be Thailand.  Why didn't we go back there first?  It is hard to get in a program.  With more families aware of Thailand and a limited number of referrals yearly, it is just a long waiting game.  We desired an infant.  Mainly, because, for some reason, the Lord tossed Congo on our hearts. 

We heard of a possible opening in a Thai program with an agency we respect.  We have spent the last 3 days talking with them, our home study agency, a new home study agency (because we would have had to switch agencies for Thailand), and asking a handful of close friends and family to pray for God to make Himself very clear to us. Selfishly, Thailand would be perfect!  We want to adopt from there again and it will be hard once we have 2 children at home.  Janaa could spend time with friends when we traveled, we could see her birth mom again, Brent could do some things he missed on his first trip... PERFECT!!!  

Yesterday afternoon I sat in "Caleb's Room" and asked the Lord to please make Himself clear to us.  I began to grieve the loss of "Caleb" at the thought of moving to Thailand.  Brent spent the day praying and as we talked last night we realized that the Lord used the only thing that could make us waver to confirm His calling.  We have more peace and resolve to continue with Congo now than when we started the process.  

Our home study is 5 months old.  It's been about 7 months since the yard sale, and it's been a year since we decided on Congo and starting taking steps toward the adoption.  It is not going to be what we expected when we started OR as we wanted. But! It is always as God has planned.  

Psalm 139:16

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

We know that our days...Brent...Rachel...Janaa...Caleb...are already written.  God knows where we will be in 10 years.  He knows where Caleb is, when we will meet him, what we looks like...who is birth family is and the struggle they must be living through.  We worry and pray (this we should do), while God already has it figured out.

Now to just remember this continually!

He will move heaven, earth and the DGM to show His glory to all the earth!

Excitement, Fear and Impatience

Friday's bio-metric (fingerprint) appointment was a first.  We have been to that government office 3 times now and had 4 sets of bio-metric prints done. This is the first time my prints took the without any problems, and I'm sure the lading scanning my fingers has no clue how wonderful that was for her...and me.  I was so sick that they lady at the front desk asked me if I was okay. Brent didn't carry me in on his back, but he did help me from falling over. Only problem is that no one can stand with you during the scanning. The sweet lady doing my prints was about 5 seconds from having a collapsed U.S. Citizen at her feet. It truly was the BEST experience we have ever had at that office.  I knew Brent said people were praying and we were blessed by you. Thank you for holding us up once again on this L-O-N-G journey.  We are so excited to have this step out of the way.

Why add fear to the mix?  Because in my flesh I am still a Type-A personality and though I know I am really NOT in control...Well, my flesh makes me think so at times.  We know adoption is risky.  We've sat with our little girl in our lap and a lady tell us that we couldn't adopt her.  It's risky even when it doesn't seem so.  However, every time that becomes a reality my flesh kicks in, as if God doesn't know what He's doing. I think for me it's that I won't like what God is doing because it may hurt.  We have asked for an infant, and at the time it should have taken 9-12 months to bring him home. Pretty guaranteed he'd be home by his first birthday. (But! Then again there are never guarantees.)  With the DRC government hold all exit letters for at least another 10 months our fear is that we will receive a referral then have to wait well over a year to bring him home.  I'm not quite ready to watch my baby grow up overseas again.  I'm not backing out I'm just really fearful that God will make me wait and,  Yep! I hate to wait.  There's my impatience.  I want my baby and I want him soon after I find out who he is.  

There's really not much I can do about any of the things I wrote above. So, I will fall back on one thing that was build into who I was as a child...

Isaiah 40:31 

    but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

When it all comes down to it. My hope really is in the Lord.  He's has proven Himself to Brent and I countless times.  May I not make the same mistake the Israelites made by watching God's great wonders then worshiping idols, which in my case is my own pride and self-sufficiency. 

While we wait for our I-600 to come I'll leave you with some family photos...

FINGERPRINTS...

We have our fingerprint appointment tomorrow at 10 am in Charlotte.  Finally!  Things are moving a little bit.  BUT...Rachel has the stomach virus...very weak, sick sick sick.  We don't have time to change the appointment so we're hoping she has enough reserve energy and we're going down there.  Please pray that everything works out ok and that we can get things taken care, and that she feels better tomorrow.