November 22, 2003 a young mom went into labor early. I can only imagine the fear she was feeling not knowing what the next few hours, days, weeks or years may hold, yet within a short time the little lives within her would venture into the world and need so much love and care. I'm sure I would be terrified. How would I care for them, work, educated and feed them? So many conflicting thoughts and emotions.
As they entered the world she must have felt much grief as her first baby didn't make it, and fear for the second. A tiny, sick baby with coal-black hair (She had a head full in her first picture at the orphanage so she HAD to have been born with it.) was left alone after 7 months of carrying 2 little heart beats.
In a panic those around worked to keep my tiny baby alive. How could a mother who loves her child so much place her child with another family? I don't know. I've never been in a place where I've had to make that choice. What I do know is that it is the deepest kind of love, unconditional love, a love that endures heart-wrenching pain for the sake of your child. This mother, Janaa's "first" mom, her "tummy" mommy, "birth" mommy... She is amazing.
I have met her, twice...
I met her the day she wrote a paragraph for the government that ensured she was placing Janaa with a forever family. I met her a year later when I took Janaa back to her village to meet her and her family. Janaa's sweet heart and calm demeanor...that's her "tummy" mommy.
On this day when many moms remember the rush to the hospital, the hours of labor, epidurals, walking halls...I don't know what to remember. Occasionally, that's hard. It's not something that I think about often, but it is the truth of our life. The saying "Adoption is born of grief." is not one that I've liked a lot, but there are days when that grief is felt. We have been so blessed. Compared to so many stories, ours is simply amazing. We have had an atypical experience. We bonded quickly and well. Janaa doesn't have drastic issues stemming from being adopted. In fact, she will often talk of how awesome it is that she has 3 moms and that no matter where's she has been in life God has always made sure she had a mommy. Her grasp on the story God has written for her blows my mind. What a gracious gift He has given her. She has always known a mother's love.
So today I look a little deeper into her dark brown eyes and wonder what she is really thinking. I trace the details of her face with my finger as not to forget that though she is taller, smarter, more mature...she is still my baby girl...my baby that I carried in my heart from the day I saw her tiny face in an email when she was just a few weeks old...my baby that I carried home from Thailand the week of her 4th birthday...my baby girl that snuggles up with me, reads a book and says, "Mommie, I'm so glad God gave me to you and you to me, we make a great pair. I don't want to grow up because I still want to be your baby."
I find it pretty cool that National Adoption Day is her birthday. We celebrate here, but I pray for her birth mom a world away. I'm sure this day is hard.
